What do you look for in a man? What type of qualities come to mind? What will make him stand out from the rest? Find out what I believe should be on every girls “perfect man” list! Enjoy, XO.
“I can’t wait to find the man who is going to fall completely head over heels for me.”
I can admit it…I am obsessed with the entire idea of love. I am in love with love. Now, I wouldn’t say I am a full blown “hopeless romantic” but I am pretty close. Being single is cool and everything; I’ve finally been in a position where I worry about myself and myself only. I have gained so many opportunities and growth that I don’t think would’ve happened if I was in a relationship. Oh, and my self-love sky rocketed (something I didn’t think was possible lol). However, I truly believe that I am meant to be a girlfriend (and wife someday) – I am relationship oriented
girl woman. What’s funny is that I’ll sometimes look down at my left hand and say, “a nice diamond ring belongs on this finger.”
See, look how much more gorgeous her finger is omg y’all lol. But back to the point, I was inspired to write this post because I ran across an old sketch book of mine from 2011 (I was a freshman in high school) that was a mixture of drawings and journalings (not a word, I know) and my thoughts. I saw on one of the pages my “ideal man” list….it has 42 items on it. 42 ITEMS. Seriously? What was even worse, was that about 95% of the items were all physical things. Thank the Lord that I gained some sense and realized that there is more to a great partner + relationship than just looks. Yeah, I said it. My list – 5 years later – has shrunk significantly and out of the 15 things I look for, only ONE thing pays attention to the physical side…*pats self on back* So if you’re younger than me (20) trust me, looks really won’t be everything that matters because who wants a hot boy you treats you like shit? Not me, sister. What helps you create the best “perfect man” list is dating or being in at least 2 or more relationships. There you can see what you do and don’t like. Also, having an amazing dad and husband to my mom, is a great way to see what a man is supposed to be like.
notes: 1. these aren’t in any particular order, I wrote them down as they came to my head…trying to keep it as real and fresh as possible.
2. now, with everything you WANT from a man, you also have to BRING that to the table – it makes no sense to want “xyz” from someone when you can barely bring the “x”!
Ambition vs. Potential. A battle most women tend to get confused with. A man with potential is NOTHING if there is zero ambition backing it up. If he has potential to be amazing at basketball, yet doesn’t have ambition to practice, train, and improve the craft…the potential is useless. So don’t go after or stay with someone on the idea and possibility of “potential”. You want an ambitious man who goes after what he wants, loves, and/or believes in. I personally love a man with drive and determination. Like yasssss boo, you go after your dreams.
2. SENSE OF HUMOR
This is huge. I’d like to think that I’m a pretty funny person, so I want someone who can make me laugh and who will gets my jokes. Not only that, but shares my sense of humor, so that we can laugh and enjoy the same stuff. Like, the good ol hearty, hurts your cheeks, and gives you an ab work out laughter. I had a relationship like that, and I guarantee you…it made our relationship a million times better.
3. GOOD HYGIENE
Seems so simple right? Well there are some dirty boys out there y’all. Breath, smell/scent, teeth, under his nails, etc. must be taken care of. I am 20 now and my man will be my age or older (no more than 3 years) and he should not need to be told to bathe, brush his teeth, or anything. We are way too grown for that. To me, if he can’t keep something as simple as his hygiene in check, how can I expect him to have and keep other aspects of his life in order? No thank you, honey. Next.
This is basically his ability to learn and reason; the capacity for knowledge and understanding. His individual ability to think and for the mind to come to correct conclusions about what is true or real, right or wrong, and about how to solve problems. Pretty important if I say so myself. You want your man to have strong judgement and comprehension skills not just when it comes to the relationship but to all aspects of life.
For himself. For you. For the relationship. Is he a gentlemen, does he know how to approach/talk to you, was he raised right? Respect is major and goes a looooooong way. Remember, you can detect someone’s level of respect for you VERY early…don’t ignore the red flags.
6. STRONG BELIEFS, MORALS, AND VALUES
Are his strong and do they match yours? Now, it doesn’t have to be a 100% match but pretty close. Those three items are often interchanged but all mean different things and are all something people tend to hold dearly to them. With that being said, most people aren’t willing to change their beliefs, morals, and/or values. So it’ll be easier just to find a man that matches closely with yours.
7. SIMILAR INTERESTS
This goes along with number six as well. You want to have common interest, it’ll bring y’all closer and give you plenty of things to talk about. However, you don’t want to have everything in common because, to me, that’s weird and will get boring. You need to have different interests to challenge one another or even teach/learn a new thing or two.
You can feel when the vibe/connection isn’t there and you can mostly definitely feel when it is there. I’m not just talking about being able to converse with him, but really vibing. It’s a special feeling and you’ll know…it’s more of that mental (and sometimes emotional) feeling you’ll get. Trust me, it’ll just feel so good and so right.
9. EMOTIONALLY STABLE
Girl. Get you a man who is emotionally stable and knows how to express his emotions accordingly. We may not all want someone super emotional, but you need someone who at least knows how to. If you don’t, it’s a HUGE HEADACHE. It’s taxing on you and your feelings, which isn’t okay. That, “Oh I can’t express my emotions/feelings” is straight BS. Part of it is me being drawn to guys who 1. don’t want to be loved, 2. don’t know how to be loved, and 3. don’t know how to love. Even if they are great people (boyfriends) – if they lack in that category, it’s going to hurt you…trust me, I know from personal experience.
I try to be honest with myself and with people I am cool with. If I dish it out, I want it back in return. Be honest in all aspects with me and we’re good. Lying is easy but gets harder and harder the more you partake in it. But know, there is a difference in being honest and being rude.
These two things seem to be extremely hard for our generation. Being loyal, in dictionary terms, means having or showing continuing allegiance. Being faithful means that you and your partner refrain from investing romantically AND emotionally in others. Which in turn means, that most of your attention, love, respect should be directed toward your partner. Monogamy my friends, look it up. I want the thirst to be mutual lol – so in love and down for one another that there won’t be issues. I know temptations will arise, but hopefully the trust, love, and respect for one another is high enough that those temptations will stay as that and not into regretful actions.
Talk to me baby, lol. No but communication like I’ve stated before in, “Lessons My Ex Taught Me”, is sooooo important. Being able to talk about the world, hard topics, each other, things you’re passionate about, etc. is important. Sharing how you feel. Keeping communication honest and clear, will make a mind blowing difference.
13. HAS A PASSION
Does he have a passion about something? Is there a subject, thing, issue or whatever that makes his eyes light up when he talks about it? A man who passionate about something typically lives through his purpose or is trying to find it. When a person finds their passion + purpose it shows that people understand that there is something deeper and bigger than yourself.
I told you that physical looks was only on here once didn’t I? I get that we all have this [physical] image in our minds of our perfect guy. But, it is true that an amazing personality can boost someones attractive points. However, for me, my man has to be attractive to ME. A guy I may think is a 10, another girl may think is a 2. As long as his teeth are nice and he’s cute to me, than I am good. Would I like him to be at least 6’2″, facial hair, good jaw/facial structure, nice lips, etc.? Yeah, but if he meets everything else stated above and ends up being 5’8″ with zero facial hair, I am not going to turn him down…that would be stupid. Looks fade, personality doesn’t.
15. WANTS A RELATIONSHIP
I would hate to get involved with a man who meets qualities 1 through 14, just to find out that he doesn’t even want to be in a relationship. If that was the case, then somebody is getting hurt (physically, lmao.) You want a man who actually wants to be in a relationship….not dating but something serious. All of this needs to be COMMUNICATED early on. Don’t wait til you’re 3 months into talking and you’re catching feelings (and secretly planning weddings) and he isn’t looking “to be serious right now.” I don’t just allow any man to strip my “single” title unless I feel as if it’s 1. something that could lead to marriage or at least last (I don’t do 3 month relationships) and 2. the THIRST is mutual, we both WANT to be together. There are no speculations or doubts, nothing. To help make sure that doesn’t happen and your precious time isn’t wasted, I have a post up discussing why: It’s Smart to Hide Your Man.
So the day, I find the man who has all of these qualities and is completely head over heels for me…I will forever be grateful and will STAY in walking around like this:
and lastly, this:
So what did y’all think? Do you ladies agree with my list? Or are there things you’d like to add or take away? I’d loved to know! Shoot me an email, leave a comment below, or mention me on Twitter @micahxnicole! Can’t wait to hear from y’all!
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